sicknick

06.25.04 - 4:39 a.m.
could i get a straw for my white zinfandel?

work. tonight. and every night.

ghetto chick: "'scuse me! 'scuse me!"

even though i'm standing right in front of her.

me: "hi...what can i get you?"

ghetto chick: "shot of hennessey."

(i place shot glass on bar and pour)

me: "anything else?"

30-second pause...

ghetto chick: "uh uh."

me: "that's $4.75 please."

ghetto chick: "no, on the rocks."

(i grab rocks glass, fill with ice, and dump shot into said glass)

ghetto chick: "no, gimme more."

me: "a double shot will be $9.50."

lady looks at me like i'm stupid. i think "jesus fucking christ" in my head.

(i pour another shot on top)

me: "anything else?"

30-second pause.

ghetto chick: "uh uh."

me: "that's $9.50 please."

30-second pause.

then boyfriend/husband/baby daddy jumps in.

bhbd: "gimme a double shot o crown."

me: "straight up?"

yet another 30-second pause.

bhbd: "uh, just a little ice."

(i pour double shot over 4 ice cubes and place on bar)

boyfriend/husband/baby daddy looks at his glass...looks at girl's glass...then looks at me like "why does her's have more?". i think "jesus fucking christ! her glass is full of ice, dumb fuck! you asked for 'little ice'.

me: "okay...can i get you anything else?"

yup, 30-second pause.

ghetto chick: "uh uh."

me: "that'll be $17."

two sets of eyes look at me as though i've just defiled their momma.

ghetto chick throws a 20 on the bar.

i've not even turned back yet to hand her the change when i hear...

ghetto chick: "gimme some lemons!"

do you want your fucking change first? jesus.

so i get a napkin full of lemons, hand her the $3 change, and thank them very much.....

FOR NOTHING!

in the meantime, there are 5 customers behind them giving me dirty looks cuz they want their fucking newcastle or vodka tonic...but hey, at least they know what the fuck they want AND they'll tip me.

i missed prince for this.

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