07.01.04 - 3:09 p.m.
put the lotion in the basket

i would just absolutely love to have one night/morning of uninterrupted sleep. alas, my crazy gay neighbor will not have it. and no, i have nothing against gay people...but this guy is totally CRAZY and totally FLAMING.

when i first moved in this place 2 years ago, i'd often hear conversations coming out of his house (my bedroom window faces his kitchen and side door). i always thought there was a couple living there, as i heard a man's and a woman's voice. turns out that HE was the woman's voice. the thing is, he's an ugly frumpy middle-aged guy...but he talks like a woman. it's slightly disturbing.

crazy gay neighbor has 3 dogs and crazy gay neighbor has a very odd way of taking care of them. apparently, these dogs are ONLY let outside of the house to use the bathroom...then they immediately bark to be let back in the house. i have never once seen any of these dogs on a leash, let alone taken for a walk...and they're never left outside for more than a couple of minutes. usually, the dogs are let out one at a time...so while one is outside barking its ass off to be let back in, there are 2 barking their asses of to be let out. this begins at 5 a.m.

and crazy gay neighbor loves talking to his doggie woggies, yes he does. for an hour every morning i lay in bed listening to "GO POOP! GO POOP!", "HUSH!", and "(insert dog name here)"...although the names of his dogs seem to change on a monthly basis even though they are, indeed, the same 3 dogs.

then i get to listen to him putz around his kitchen and do his dishes for another hour or two. around 7 or 8 he heads out to his yard...and this is when i really lose some sleep. he uses his weed-whacker and/or lawnmower at least 3 mornings a week. now, we live in the city...trust me, his yard is not that big nor does his shit grow that fast, but he's out there anyway...making a racket at 8 a.m. i grew up in the suburbs, and those folks didn't even putz around their yards as much as this guy OR mow their lawn so early in the morning.

in 2 years i've only seen this guy actually leave his yard ONCE. ONE TIME i saw him go into his garage and DRIVE out IN A CAR. what the hell is his deal? does he work? have a social life? have any friends? have a boyfriend, for crying out loud? maybe he just works out of his house. i don't know...he just seems so creepy and weird. and this morning i saw him step outside in only a pair of shorts. his gut scared me. ::shudder::

but i guess it's all good just as long as he doesn't start calling one of his dogs precious.

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