09.16.04 - 4:26 a.m.

bryan came to the bar tonight while i was working. i wanted to ask him if i could come over when i was done, but it took every ounce of restraint not to.

it was last call and everyone was leaving...we had this awkward moment of 'okay, see ya'. i knew that he was probably fumbling for the right words or actions just i was.

it feels so nice.

he's a great guy.

last night we were talking about the first night that he dj'ed at the was almost 2 months ago. after bar close i had to go down to the basement for something and he asked if he could check it out (as he had never been down there before). at that time i thought to myself "this guy is really cool...i could totally kiss him and no one would ever have to know". seriously, i thought that. that night was the first time that i had officially met him. well, he told me that he had a crush on me even prior to that evening...and even though he had heard that i had a boyfriend he thought about asking me out, just to see what would happen, while we were in the basement together.

it's crazy. we both had this moment when we wanted something we knew we couldn't have...and it was about US. and neither of us had any idea about what the other was thinking.

most girls probably wouldn't really think he's hot...but he is so incredibly cute and kind of dorky. i love it.

the thing i've noticed about relationships and getting older is that everything seems to move so fast. i don't want that right now, and neither does he. we hung out monday and tuesday night...we've had drinks together and hung out at his house until the wee hours of the morning...lots of talking and normal getting to know each other stuff. we've kissed...and that's all we need to do right now. it's wonderful.

when i think about kissing him again i get this nervous shiver that goes straight down the center of my body, a feeling that i haven't had in so many years. the wanting and the anticipation of more only keeps me from doing it...i just don't want this feeling to go away like i know it so quickly can.

he said that he can't believe that a "girl like me" actually likes him. a girl like me? i don't get that.

i don't get that at all.

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