04.28.04 - 1:35 a.m.
it must be fate...or not

something very strange happened while i was fucking around on the internet yesterday...but first i guess there's some explaining to do...

7 years ago (that would've made me 21 ::gasp::) i went on a road trip with 2 girlfriends of mine (i will call them j and c). c was doing the long distance relationship thing with this guy who lived in a certain little town out east, plus she had several other friends in the same area. this was ideal for a road trip...we had a destination and a free place to stay. so the 3 of us hopped in my honda and away we went.

well, the arrangement was that c would stay with her boyfriend and j and i would stay next door with his friends. so there i was, staying with 2 guys i didn't know, feeling young and awkward and lame and all that kind of shit BUT these guys were fucking awesome. and hot. i mean, the guys in milwaukee just weren't the same know how it is when you go out of town and everything seems so much cooler there just because it's not the same old crap you're used, yeah, i was totally smitten with one of those guys. i'll just call him mac.

mac and i hit it off...not necessarily in a romantic way, but we got along enormously well and there seemed to be a bit of a mutual attraction. in fact, in retrospect, i would venture to say there was definitely a mutual attraction. much to my regret, there was no, uh, would've been silly. i would've ended up in love with some guy that lived 12 hours away and it never would have worked and he would just break my heart. hey, i can do that just fine back in milwaukee.

so, over the next couple of years i would ask c about mac and mac would ask c about me...but she ended up getting all weird about it cuz he was "her" friend. so ultimately we ended up never getting in contact with eachother.

and c and i ended up having a falling out (like girlfriends often do)...and i hadn't thought about mac at all UNTIL i ended up running in to him one afternoon at a coffee shop in MILWAUKEE. i was flustered...he was everything i remembered and then some. it turned out he was in town to visit c...who then walked in and interrupted our reunion.

i later found out through a friend that he bugged c incessantly for my phone number, e-mail address, ANYTHING so that he could contact me...but she wouldn't budge. and i haven't seen him since...that was probably about 4-5 years ago.

UNTIL I FOUND A PICTURE OF HIM ON A WEBSITE YESTERDAY...what the fuck are the chances of that? just some random site...don't even know how i got there...and BAM. weird.

yes, i love my boyfriend and all that, but there are always those 'what ifs'...everyone has them. and i guess that's just a big one for me so i had to write about it.

and DAMMIT! he's still hot. ugh.

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